Most soon-to-be's get lots of advice from many different people. There's the pre-marital stuff that tries to get the nuts and bolts of relationships. Then you get the surly, salty "advice" about how relationships "really work" from the couple who've been married for twenty years...somehow. On the wedding day, the preacher usually tries to make sure the couple knows marriages are "hard work." Then you get a bit of intoxicated sagely advice from the best man at the reception.
And yet, for all the wise counsel, it is inevitable that newlyweds will still find surprises. So today, I'm busting four big marriage myths. You, or your kids, or your best friend need to hear this before walking down the aisle. Maybe we should've made counseling a priority. You decide...

Four Huge Marriage Myths

Myth #1: Slumber Parties

Many newlyweds, intoxicated by delirious visions of romantic comedies and mattress commercials, eagerly run to bed like two children in their PJs on the night before Christmas, to blissfully fall into each others' arms and drift away to sleep, cradled in gentle embrace . . . only to find out that this is one of the biggest lies the world has told them. Sleeping isn't a team sport.

Sleeping is an activity best done alone. This will come as a terrible shock to many young newlyweds. They will attempt to defy the laws of nature and contort themselves in unnatural ways into some comfortable position in which to sleep right next to one another. Of course, if they are successful at actually falling asleep, they will awaken to the feeling that their limbs have been forcibly removed due the lack of blood circulation. Thus, they will feel betrayed and insecure about their prowess in bed.

This myth needs to be brought out in pre-marital counseling. Fiances need to understand that they are not marrying new pillows. They are marrying people made of arms and elbows and other sharp points, which produce intolerable amounts of heat, and are heavily insulated under piles of blankets.
If you want to snuggle with something cuddly, try a bag of power tools.

Myth #2: Gang Showers
Around Christmas, my wife and I were gathered with three other couples, married four years (us), three years, one year, and six months. We're all longtime friends. All of a sudden, one of the girls poses a question for the rest of us to consider:
"Does anyone really take showers together?"
There was a hint of disappointment in her voice. The rest of us thought a moment. I spoke up and said, "No. It doesn't work."
Everyone, relieved that someone else had spoken up first, agreed. Somehow, probably through Herbal Essence commercials, we had all gotten it into our newlywed heads that this would be just a terrific idea. (I think this is one of those things that is tame enough for the Christian marriage books to suggest.) And for everyone, it was epic fail. And then, everyone seemed to think that they were alone in their shame. The idea that two adults will be able to share a shower is a terrible myth that fiances need to come to grips with.
Here's why: Guys, it is in a woman's low-temperature nature to hog all the hot water and not leave any for you. Sharing baths is likely an activity you last did with a sibling when you were in kindergarten. It's best that way.

Myth #3: "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" is a Good Movie
This should be self-evident, but apparently, it needs to be said.

Myth #4: Best Day Ever
Most eager fiances are certain that their wedding day will be the "best day ever." That's why people spend tons of Dad's cash and stuff themselves into uncomfortable dresses and dance like crazy: because it's the "best day ever," and you've never been more in love than on this day! Yeah! That's pretty much the premise of shows like Bridezillas: girls who are convinced that their "best day ever" is being ruined. But then, they aren't interested in being married, they're interested in having a wedding.

Sure, weddings are great. But if your wedding day is the best day of your marriage, then you have nothing to look forward to.

My wife and I were really blessed by something one of her friends wrote to us. She said, "May your wedding day be the day you love each other the least." It took a bit for that to sink in for us.

When I look at two geriatrics in a nursing home, hunched over on walkers together, who've been married for 80 years, I am convinced that I don't know the first thing about love.

Matt is a teacher and pastor in Kansas City, MO. He is also the co-founder of SaveAfrica.com, a missionary endeavor in Sudan. He blogs at TheChurchofNoPeople.com, and lives with his wife, Cheri.

Copyright 2010 Matt Appling. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.

It's probably a whole lot harder if you have a lot to leave behind.

This week, school started up and at our district's convocation we got a special guest speaker. You might be familiar with H&R Block, the tax prep company. It's based in Kansas City and has 22 million customers, so they're doing all right. It was founded by two brothers, Henry and Richard Bloch. I guess they thought 'Block' was catchier than 'Bloch.'

One of the sons, Thomas Bloch, came to talk to the teachers of our district. What on earth does the heir to a tax service company have to do with education?

Actually, he already inherited the company. He started as a tax preparer out of college and worked his way up the ladder. Eventually, he was CEO of the company. I'm sure he had a very nice office to go with the million-dollar bankroll he was taking home. I imagine home for him was a ten-story yacht with a bowling alley, called the S.S. I'm on a Boat. Hey, I don't know how CEOs live.

Anyway, about the place in his life where a guy couldn't hire any more people to kiss up to him, Tom decided his life was empty. He decided that a million-dollar bankroll wasn't all he was born to accomplish.

So he decided to teach junior high algebra to inner-city underachievers.

Really? Teach? Algebra? Inner-city? Doesn't make sense. In his own words, he went from a place loaded with cash and respect to a place that afforded absolutely none of either. Now, you may know that the Kansas City school district is notoriously bad. So a rich white guy who actually expected effort and success from his students was still a sideshow. He was actually laughed at by parents when he told them their children were failing. They laughed in the face of the former CEO of a multi-billion dollar corporation. He was of no consequence to them.

He realized that he spent only half his time teaching algebra to his algebra students. The rest of the time was spent teaching character, citizenship or morality. That's off the record, because every politically correct person knows a teacher's job is to teach academics, not character . . . right?

Then he decided he needed to take it one step further. He was friends with Barnett Helzberg of the jewelry store chain, also based in Kansas City. Barnett had sold his company and was looking for a new challenge and, presumably, a large gaping money-pit to wildly throw his cash into, never to be seen again.

So they opened a school. They felt the name University Academy was pretentious enough to work, so they went with that.
The first couple of years were a disaster as students came in, realized the standards were abnormally high for the inner-city, and moved on. Eventually the school was moved, expanded to include all the grades, and students started sticking around and graduating.

Tom admitted that his sacrifice was easy financially. There are plenty of people who struggle far more to make the change he did. He had made his money. Even with all the money he's poured down the drain on a school, his family's lifestyle hasn't suffered. But still, I have to wonder how many days he thought to himself, while getting disrespected to his face by children and their parents, "I don't have to be doing this."

I think that's what ministry is all about. At some point, probably most ministers think, "I don't have to be doing this." Then they realize that, yes, they do. Because it's a calling.

I don't know if Tom is a Christian, but he could be. And he made a decision that makes a great story. Have you ever known anyone like that, who "threw it all away" to do something great? Maybe you're that person that people talk about. What's your story?

Matt is a teacher and pastor in Kansas City, MO. He is also the co-founder of SaveAfrica.com, a missionary endeavor in Sudan. He blogs at TheChurchofNoPeople.com, and lives with his wife, Cheri.

Copyright 2009 Matt Appling. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.