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The Perception: We're Spoiled

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Aug 05, 2009 Author: 
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There is a perception of us swirling around in the minds of those older than us. It's that we're spoiled.

People see how we were raised and take note that we have been very blessed as kids in regard to having things. We have never really been in want. We've always had the next best thing. We had personal tutors as kids, swimming lessons, cello lessons. We went to sports camps, band camps, chess club camps, and debate team camps. We are catered to through the media. They really, really want our money, and they are willing to invest serious cash to get our attention.

In turn we are very picky and skeptical about the things we entertain. When you've had it all, you can discern between what's good and what sucks.

The older generation sees that generally speaking, we haven't had a job while growing up like they did. Some of our grandparents had to work when they were in their early teens to provide for their brothers and sisters, while some of us got our first job our Junior year in college. That's a big difference.

You can see why the perception is that we're spoiled.

That carries over to the church (this is where it hits home with me).

We started out in the nursery. Then the toddlers class, then children's church, then youth group. We've had specialized ministries catered to us our entire lives . . . until now (for most).

How do we respond? We leave. We go to the church that has a ministry for us. We have no brand loyalty because we've been trained to pick out the best things and to be skeptical of the man. So it really doesn't matter if the church we're interested is Methodist, Southern Baptist, Free Will Baptist, Lutheran, Church of Christ, or whatever. If there is a ministry that's giving us attention, then we're there!

Now, that's the perception I'm hearing.

My question for you is, is it true?

Is the perception that our generation is just a bunch of spoiled mammas boys true?

I really, really want to say "No, that's not true! You just don't understand my generation!" But honestly, I don't know that I can say that right now. I'm scared what they are saying about us might . . . be . . . true.

Crap, right?

I don't know about you, but I am not satisfied with that perception. I am not going to just sit around and let the entire church think I'm just a lazy, good-for-nothing who just wants to complain until someone caters a ministry after me. Because if I do that, then that makes church about me. And since the church is the body of Christ, then that makes the body of Christ about me. And if I'm not mistaken, that seems completely counter-intuitive to what being a Christ-follower is about (someone who gives up their right to glory, who is not self-seeking, who does not return evil with evil, who said, "not my will, but Your will be done"). 

So since the church isn't about me, and since I absolutely refuse to let that stipulation stand, I am determined to prove those people wrong. Not in an "I told you so" sort of way, but in a way that serves them above myself and exalts them as fellow brothers and sisters in the enormously big body of Christ.

Because of that, I will use my talents in the church and outside of the church. I will be involved in classes even if the teaching is boring and is very "churchy." I will support my pastor, even if he alliterates every single point in every single sermon. I will pray for my deacons, even if they think my faux-hawk is "worldly." I will vote in business meetings, even if I don't really care what color the carpet is. I will do these things because I am part of the body of Christ, and if I am in Christ, then I cannot be removed from my older generation, no matter how much we misunderstand each other or how much our philosophy might be different. I am here. This is my church. And I will serve it because this is about His kingdom. Not mine. 

Jacob

 

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8 Comments
Caleb
Aug 05, 2009
08:55 am
This is a really interesting thought. I'm not exactly a "twenty-something" but I'm in college, so at the risk of being arrogant, I'm going to assume my opinion counts. I do see this happening a lot, and I don't think it's really restricted just to that age group. My church recently lost it's youth pastor and most of the teens left because that ministry wasn't as strong RIGHT THEN. I think, in a lot of ways, our generation has lost perspective. The world just doesn't revolve around us, and it never will. I think we need more of our generation to make a statement like your last paragraph (and mean it). I'm with you.
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Scott Cheatham
Aug 05, 2009
09:21 am
Jacob, All of what you said is true. The 20-somethings for the most part ARE spoiled. But who did the spoiling? I'm not old enough to be a 20-something parent yet. My kids are all teens though one will be leaving that world soon. Here's what I HAVE noticed. We as parents overdo kids activities. We put them in soccer leagues, dance classes, swim lessons, you name it. We don't trust them to entertain themselves and thus, we give them no creative outlet. The church modeled this by adapting their children's ministry to the culture outside it's doors. We started Upward sports clinics to compete with the city leagues which were better funded and ran, we specialized children's ministry so Mom and Dad could know that their little spoiled kid would get specialized attention geared to their little minds and in the process, we killed off family churches that couldn't compete. Now, we complain when your age group reaches 20 and wants what they've had all along and we can't figure out why? We never incorporated your group into our "adult" service, we never thought that making you sit out in service once in a while (or even twice a month) was good because we feared mom and dad might leave and take you to the church down the street that has a laser light show and a skate ramp. Not to mention free iPod downloads for every guest that comes to worship! If what we want is a true family church, we have to work to build it. My teens are made to serve the elderly. They park cars, fetch coffee, and serve meals when we have potlucks. They also can help collect the tithes and offerings and, when mature enough, get built into the leadership of the church so they can have some input into things they are interested in. (Call it a teen committee liaison if you will) The older teens also help in children's ministry, playing music, telling stories, cleaning up and helping out. They learn respect and service and hopefully, as they grow into 20-somethings, they will already feel "invested" in the church and will see their progression into adult worship as a natural transition, not a culture shock. We need more systemic thinking in our churches today. Looking ahead 5-to-10 years and planning for the young kids we see now as adults is paramount if we are to stem the tide of which you write! Blessings Scott Cheatham www.scottcheatham.com
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Larry
Aug 06, 2009
07:08 am
Dude. Seriously. You have a faux-hawk? On a more serious note, I agree with much of what you have said. It almost seems like your Jerry MacGuire standing there with the goldfish in your hand. I have the same question he had. "Who's coming with you?"
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Brandon
Aug 06, 2009
02:00 pm
Well said, Jacob. I've thought about this a couple of times through the years. I was never a part of a children's church to any extent, but I have heard the barrage of complaints that come once that entertainment crutch is no longer available. How many times do we hear, "Well, that church just doesn't have anything for me or my age group." With this attitude, the church could probably ask if you had anything to offer it.
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Jason Taylor
Aug 06, 2009
02:02 pm
Dude, awesome post. I want to ask a question. We say that the 20 something generation is spoiled, which may be true; however, is the generations that are holding the church back from the change that could reach more people forr Jesus spoiled as well because they are holding to their personal preferences? If we say the 20somethings are spoiled, we must say that all of us are spoiled. We all like things including church a certain way. Why don't we just accept differences and unite around the gospel so that more can be reached. I would say that if we truly cared about the disturbing numbers of 20somethings leaving the church, if we really cared, we would lay aside whatever it took to help see those young families and singles become the hands and feet of Jesus. Instead, for the most part, as churches we stand aside and try to find the blame and point the finger instead of taking an active role in solving the issue and loving our neighbor as our self even if they are 20 years old and different. I am glad that people like you, Jacob, are not standing on the sidelines, but trying to take an active role in reaching this generation.
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Larry
Aug 07, 2009
09:50 am
Jason, that has to be one of the most profound things I've read in a while. I think you are definitely on to something. I have been in those churches that will not accept the differences and insist on things being done a certain way, and then wonder "why aren't there any young people and families". I agree that the previous generations are just as guilty of being spoiled as the 20 somethings. The time has come for the church to get on their face, (baby boomer, gen. x, gen.y, and so on), and ask for forgiveness, and then repent, and do whatever it takes to reach whosoever will.
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Beth
Aug 08, 2009
10:30 pm
I don't think it's a matter of 20 somethings being spoiled. I think it's a loss of the grasp of what's crucially important to our faith. At its root, it's a selfishness problem--a flawed from the beginning kind of problem that we all have, which is why, yes--even the older generation has its preferences and wishes to be catered to. The problem is this--the older generation (my grandparents--children of the depression) were taught that you ate what was on your plate, you don't question authority, you work hard to see results. Somewhat rigid. Which may be why the Boomers rebelled against all of this and raised their own children to have endless options (whatever they wanted!), to question all authority (not always a bad thing), and gave them everything they never had but always wanted. This is us. I'm 25. Can't complain. I've never been in want of anything. But as a pastor's wife in a church that has several people from several different generations, I just tend to see it as a selfishness problem. Too often people attend or participate in church for what it can offer, not for what they can bring to it. And after Jesus has done so much for us, it's such a shame. We ought to be ashamed. It's not about us. So the older generation comes and wants things the way they've always been. The Boomers want change to suit them. And generation Y has quit coming. Lord Jesus, forgive us for our selfishness and failure to realize it's not about what's in it for us. Help us to treasure you deep in our hearts above our own wants and needs and put others before ourselves!
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Christina
Aug 09, 2009
12:05 am
I definitely think that we are spoiled. I know that I am. And it really frustrates me that so many in our generation have left the church. I was raised in many Free Will Baptist Churches and was never in a large enough church to have a youth or children's ministry until I was almost out of high school. So I'm used to the traditional, old way of doing things. But I have seen the younger people in the church rolling their eyes when an elder deacon stands up to speak. I just think the disconnect between generations is so sad. We serve the same God, and He hasn't changed at all, so why is there such a huge gap between the young and the old? I think that we (20-somethings) as a generation are alot like the prodigal son. We want everything, we want it our way, and we want it NOW! I know that the father in the story forgave his son and welcomed him home when everything blew up in his face and he decided that he did need his dad, and that it was an example of how God welcomes us. The saddest part is that all of my friends that used to be so faithful when they were younger know that story too. They know that the son wanted his way and they know how it turned out, yet they seem so determined to do the same thing he did. They call it "independence," but sometimes it seems more like ignorance. As long as we blow off the wisdom and the lessons that God gave us in the Bible and blow off the wisdom and life experience that our elders in the church have to offer us, our generation is going to continue to wander around aimlessly. Even if my church had an awesome 20-something ministry for some of the less faithful, I'm not sure that it would help them suddenly become so much more faithful to the church. I think the longer we stay separated from the rest of the body of the church, the longer we're going to remain spoiled and indifferent to what's going on around us. If our churches would impliment some great mentoring programs to help connect generations, I think that would make such a difference. Just think about it - wouldn't it be awesome to have a friend that had been through what you're going through and could share some life lessons from their personal experience? In the few years since I left the youth group, I have been blessed to form friendships with some of the older ladies and couples in my church. It is such a blessing, because they know all the traditions and procedures that I may not know and they have so much wisdom to share with me. On the flip side, since they are on committies with me and know me and talk to me, they are more connected with what's going on in a 20-something's life. All the things that separate our generations like music and Bible translation preference seem so much less threating to the older generation when they can talk to us one on one and we can actually hear their side. I'm proud of the way my church has worked to combine the old with the new. We sing hymns on Sunday morning and throw in a few praise and worship songs on Sunday night. The older people actually LIKE them! And our pastor preaches from KJV (which I prefer, so I'm down with that) but sometimes he'll have other translations on the PowerPoint and he'll read them as well. There's still definitely a difference in the way the older people view alot of things, but we are UNITED. The younger generation has come to appreciate the wisdom of the older generation and the older generation appreciates our energy and enthusiam. It's a win-win situation. Because when the older generation really gets to know us, they'll see us in a different light. Hopefully, instead of "spoiled kids," they'll start to see us as brothers and sisters in Christ. And when we become united as brothers and sisters in Christ, we can't go wrong.
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